Blind
by xVanishedLullabys
Summary: When things are shaken out of place it's almost impossible to fix them, especially when your ignorance is taken in the process. {PHAN; Warnings inside.}
1. Beginning

**First Phan fiction EVER! I'm so excited c': **

**I've really become interested in this couple~**

**Soooo this fanfiction... its probably going to be really different than any of the other phan fictions because I'm into writing long chapters and well, pretty deep stuff~**

**I have a full summary all written out but I'm writing another 'full' fanfiction at the same time so this will probably update bi-monthly~ **

**I hope to make this rather long so I hope you're ready to stick out for the ride :)**

**Small warning the beginning is kind of boring :/ this is a meh chapter**

**Warnings; Mature themes(!) may be triggering; also future smut more than likely (Though I suck at writing smut so I dunno) c:**

**Oh yeah ahem this chapter is all from Dan's POV c: **

**I hope you enjoy~!**

**-Mina**

I really wished it was possible to kill light. That it was possible to take a knife and literally jab it into the rays coming in through the window. At least the flat was still quiet I reminded myself as I flipped myself over to hide my head in the plush of my pillow. The pattering of rain was somehow enough to keep me wide awake though.

I groaned as I sat up having given up completely on sleeping. I reached for my phone that was laying beside my bed and checked the time.

"10:30..." I mumbled to myself setting the phone back down. Phil would be up in a matter of minutes meaning I didn't have much time left either way so I slipped out of bed and stumbled to the small bathroom connected to my room.

I slumped against the wall and yawned before turning the shower on. The heat of the water quickly created a screen of steam around me and for some reason I suddenly really didn't want a shower.

After a few moments of just standing there I stripped down and climbed in with a sigh. The water washed over my skin and woke me up a little but I was still in a bit of a daze. I lazily washed my hair and scrubbed down my body before climbing out and wrapping myself in a towel.

I dragged myself back into my room and sat down on my bed once more before pulling out my laptop and going on Tumblr. There was a subtle knock from my door.

"Yeah?" I shouted half heartedly being extremely caught up in my laptop.

"Okay, just making sure you got out of bed." He replied simply before strolling away to do whatever it was he did in the morning.

Mostly Phil was locked in his room in the morning, he normally didn't come out until around one in the afternoon at the earliest. I never really questioned what he did the assumption always was that he was probably just doing the same as me; continuing to supply his addiction to the internet.

I sat there until around twelve when I gave into my complete annoyance with my quickly curling 'hobbit hair' and walked back to the bathroom to straighten it. After I finished I decided it was only right to get dressed at that point and slipped some clothing on.

I sat back in front of my laptop but very quickly found hunger settling in. It was with a heavy sigh that I went out to the lounge to prepare myself some food and probably watch some t.v.

I began to paw through the cupboards finding myself uninterested in everything we had. I decided to see if Phil wanted to go have breakfast out. I dragged myself back down the hall and lightly pulled on the door knob, locked, as usual. This time I knocked.

"Yes Dan?" He shouted to the door nearly cutting himself off with a yawn.

"Want to go get breakfast somewhere with me? I'm starving." There was a long pause before his reply.

"Not today, I'm not feeling too well." I heard some light shuffling.

"Alright, see you later." I made my way back to the living room and slouched down onto the couch completely unsure what to do now. An idea came to mind, I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my skinny jeans and picked through my contacts quickly dialing the number and waiting until I heard a soft voice answer.

"Hello?" She answered sounding slightly distracted

"Hey Sarah, I'm hungry want to get some breakfast with me?"

"I think you forgot something important." She giggled lightly.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"I'm busy this morning and we have that date later tonight." I wanted to slam my head on the table at my stupidity.

"O-oh yeah..." My face burned as I realized I had completely forgotten, she had told me just yesterday she had important plans in the morning. It had been awhile since we had seen each other due to her lack of time lately.

"I have to go now, I'm really sorry, see you later~" She said in a bit of rush before suddenly hanging up, not even giving me the chance to say goodbye.

I groaned and slipped the phone back into my pocket. Phil and Sarah had both refused my offer, now what? I knew already that Pj and Chris both had plans as of that day. Pj had said just a few days before that both him and Chris were going to spend the day in Manchester.

I heard an awful squeaking noise and looked up to find Phil in the hallway. He shut his bedroom door softly behind him and made his way towards me. He hadn't taken a shower yet, it was very obvious. His normally neatly straightened hair flew in a multitude of directions and his normally bright blue eyes were dulled down by the purple bags lining his eyes.

"Hey." He offered a small greeting, waving his hand lazily.

"You look tired." I commented, not expecting a reply.

"Meh, do I?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. He was normally like this in the morning, a little out of it, a little off. It was easy to just simply put it as he wasn't a morning person, the mixture of obvious lack of sleep and slightly depressed attitude gave that away easily.

"Yeah, you do." He shrugged his shoulders and plopped down next to me.

"I think I feel better now, still want some breakfast?" He offered with a light smile, his smiles were always different in the morning. My face lit up, I wouldn't have to settle for cereal or toast.

"Yes, please!" I exclaimed with a little too much excitement.

"Okay, I still need to shower though." He sighed and laid back on the couch showing no signs of moving again any time soon. I lifted an eyebrow.

"Well then, maybe you should move I hear that's how you take showers." I teased, jabbing my finger into his side.

"Don't be so mean~" He whined, reaching out to push me away but failing as I moved to the side. "I'm being nice by going with you so be nice to me as well."

"Oh but that's not how it works~" I grinned before standing up and abandoning the couch to retrieve my laptop. Phil, as normal, didn't ask where I was going, he just sat back and relaxed.

I came back into the room only moments later with my laptop in hand to find him snoring quietly on the couch. I sighed, maybe I had put my hopes too high.

"Phil!" I shouted with annoyance. He shot up with one of his little 'Ah!'s and glared in my direction.

"What was that for?" He barked, clearly not happy that I had awoken him.

"Well, you said you would go with me, get your lazy butt up." I seated myself next to him once more, opening the lid to my laptop and opening up the internet.

"Your on your laptop now, why can't I just rest?" He huffed, puffing his cheeks out and continuing a steady glare.

"Well, that's because you still need to shower and I need _something_ to do." I replied with a mocking tone, scrolling through a few pages.

"Fine, fine. I'll go take a shower..." He groaned as he stood up- wobbling a little with the effort- and making his way down the hall and back into his own room.

"Have fun~!" I shouted in the last few seconds before he closed his door I barley was able to catch his short reply.

"I'm not doing anything gross in there Dan!" I couldn't help but chuckle at that, Phil had a much more innocent mind than me. It was easy to hear the sound of his bathroom door slamming and the shower water running, I was worried for a moment he might go back to sleep.

It wasn't like Phil ever lied to me but he had a tendency to fall asleep at random times, mainly because he stayed up all night. I wouldn't know about his sleeping problems if it weren't for the random noises emitting from his bedroom that break me from sleep almost every night.

I once mentioned it and asked him to try and be quieter and at first he seemed to take it into deep consideration but it wasn't long before the pattern restarted, not that it mattered so much anymore. It had become rare for me to spend the night in my own room, I often spent most of my time at Sarah's except for as of late.

Sarah was my girlfriend of eight months and we had become very close, though I did have to admit at the time the relationship seemed to mostly rely on sex; something my viewers probably couldn't even imagine me doing. Despite this she and I had been previously talking about me moving in so I could get out of Phil's hair and help support her.

My parents supported the idea and it seemed most of my friends did as well, the only one opposed was Pj who claimed it was too early to jump into anything. I had thought through Pj's claim but I didn't exactly agree with it despite Chris backing it up and Phil having what seemed to be slight agreement. I just knew I wanted to do it and didn't want to let anyone hold me back, what was wrong with that?

I had blankly been scrolling through tumblr for what I thought was only a few moments but I discovered had actually been a good twenty minutes when Phil reemerged fully dressed and ready to go.

"So where are we going~?" He chimed, finally giving a full smile and returning to his normal self.

"Dunno." I simply shrugged, pulling my eyes from the laptop screen to close the lid and look to him.

"Really?" He exhaled deeply. "All that rush and you don't even know where we are going!"

"Well I wouldn't have to rush you if you had just gone." I made up a poor excuse, bringing my legs up on the couch so they could meet with my chest.

"Uh-huh." He gave me a blank stare before blowing a stray hair from his face and sitting back down beside me.

Only now did I notice that he was wearing one of his own shirts, the purple amazingphil one and instead of his normal skinny jeans he had a pair of knee length shorts. His hair had been smoothed out now and his once purple baggy eyes now were a even shade of pale. I'd never understand how those bags and his depressed mood just vanished the moment he washed up.

"What's with the shorts? It's not that warm out." I commented.

"I'm out of jeans, I seriously need to stop being lazy and do some laundry." He chuckled and looked towards me, his bright blue eyes meeting with my chocolate ones. "Just like someone else I know."

I titled my head to the side not at all understanding what he meant. "What do you mean?"

"You wore those jeans yesterday Dan." His smile widened when he saw realization hit me. He was right, I hadn't even noticed I was in such a daze that morning.

"Oh yeah..." I wasn't really sure what to say, I was surprised enough he had even noticed when I hadn't, then again Phil was thousands of times more observant than me, or even most human beings.

"So where to?" He repeated, the smile dropping from his lips once more.

"Dunno." I repeated with another blank shrug, Phil wasn't agitated though, it was hard to get him angry.

"How about..." He thought a few moments, staring off into space as if the air particles would give him an answer. "Starbucks?" He offered with a sheepish grin.

"We have that all the time..." I began to complain. "But, yeah, lets go." I always enjoyed Starbucks, it was a good place to have breakfast I couldn't deny it. Phil chuckled and swiftly stood from his seat, offering out his hand.

I denied the offer, picking myself up in a more clumsy manor as my legs had fallen into a sort of numb state. Phil simply shrugged at the rejection of his help and walked to the door, waiting for me to gather myself. I still had yet to get my wallet or coat so I held out one finger signaling him to wait and ran back down the hall to my room.

It was easy to find the two items among the mess on my floor. I slipped the flakey black object into my front pocket and began slipping the coat on as I walked back out. Phil was still waiting by the door and began to open it as I approached, sliding out into the building before I had even arrived at the door.

"Wait!" I shouted at him but he ignored me, allowing the door to close so I would have to reopen it myself. With a sigh I pulled the large wooden object open to find him waiting patiently behind it.

"Ready now?" He asked with a light grin. I only rolled my eyes in return and walked to the lift, attempting to leave him behind but still finding him close behind. He reached for the down button but I quickly intervened, pushing his hand away like a desperate child.

"Opps, sorry, I forgot your need to press the button." He laughed, watching the doors slowly open.

"Damn right." I replied simply, raising my head in a manor that mocked my own actions. Phil followed me into the lift, allowing me to once again press the button.

"So how are things with Sarah?" He suddenly asked, giving me his best look of interest.

"I think they are good? We have a date tonight so I'll finally see her again~" I couldn't help the excitement that entered my voice. Phil gave me a slight look of disappointment.

"I'm worried she might be doing something bad Dan..." He nearly whispered, looking to the floor to avoid my eyes. I didn't really understand what he meant.

"What?" I titled my head to the side attempting to get an explanation from him.

"Well I mean, normally when girls spend this much time away from their boyfriend they are doing something bad..." He looked to the wall, very obviously avoiding my eyes.

"Like what?" The conversation didn't make me as uncomfortable as it should of, my body felt no weight or fear despite the deepness of the conversation.

"Well, like..." He chewed on his lip a little. "Like cheating..."

I gave him a small look of disbelief and shook my head. "Don't worry about it she would never do anything like that." I reassured him with a small smile. He gave me a slight look but quickly dropped the subject probably not wanting to push me too much.

The doors opened then and we walked into the lobby and out the door in silence. Despite living in London now the streets were still about the same fullness as they had been in Manchester. People still rushed through the streets like mad men and cars were still packed together as tightly as they possibly could be.

"Which way is Starbucks again...?" I honestly couldn't remember, Phil had a better idea of how to navigate around London than I did, he had a much easier time finding his way around and remembering the directions.

"It's left, you really forgot?" I could tell he was suppressing laughter, I, of course, ignored it though.

"Yes I forgot! We just moved here!" I huffed and began walking down the street attempting to leave him behind but as normal he easily kept up with me.

"I really just want a white chocolate mocha~" He spoke once more grabbing my attention. "What are you going to get?"

"I'm not there yet, how should I know?" I sighed, weaving through the large mass of people. I knew the shop wasn't much farther down the street, we lived very close to it, all the more reason to go to Starbucks rather than somewhere else.

"Well, you should have like a normal right? You normally get a cappuccino you don't want one today?" He continued to question, it wasn't abnormal for him for him to put so much effort into filling the empty air, he never liked silence much.

"Dunno, maybe." I knew that was an extremely vague answer but I knew he wouldn't mind, he was good at finding ways to continue the conversation despite it. I caught the edge of the green Starbucks sign and began forcing my way through the crowd to get to the doors, Phil followed closely behind me.

I wasn't surprised to find the place packed, it normally was, neither was Phil. We both easily pushed our ways into the line looking vaguely at the menu both already pretty well knowing what we wanted. After a few moments of standing there in silence Phil tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention.

"Mhm?" I hummed turning to look at him.

"Want me to go find a seat or something? They are all filling up like mad." He offered, giving me a simple smile and looking to what seemed to be one of the only free tables left.

"Alright but don't you want something?"

"Yeah, just get me that white chocolate mocha." His smile widened.

"No food?"

"Nope."

"Okay." Every day routine. Phil squeezed out of the line and took his place at the small corner table for two quickly taking his phone from his pocket and going off elsewhere. I was stuck in line for what felt like an hour more before I finally reached the register and got my chance to order and pay.

When I approached the table and sat down awkwardly, attempting not to spill either of the cups I held or drop the small bag I held, Phil looked up from his phone almost instantly, taking his cup. We sat in silence for a few moments before Phil suddenly spoke.

"Hey, I just realized its friday." His voice was neutral, neither happy nor sad.

"Yeah it is, what about it though?" I sipped lightly at the scolding hot drink.

"What are you going to do about your new video?" I nearly jumped at the realization.

"O-oh! I forgot... opps..." I mumbled awkwardly putting down the cup and shuffling to get out my phone. "I'll just post something on twitter and do it tomorrow instead."

"Your fans won't be angry?" Phil titled his head a little to look at my phone.

"Mmmmm well, yeah they probably will be but what am I to do?" I looked up for a brief moment.

"Ah yeah, heh, nothing you could do." Phil laughed sounding a little out of place. I didn't reply, now caught in my phone and the words I was speedily typing across the screen.

"When is your date?" Phil suddenly asked bringing me back to the real world as I pressed 'post' on the tiny touch screen.

"Ah well, Sarah was thinking we would meet up around four so in a few hours, why?" I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly and reached for the bag, finally feeling hunger once again.

"Oh, no reason, just wondering how much time you had to waste." I nodded slightly picking out the muffin I had ordered and beginning to nibble at it.

"Well I'll probably be leaving as soon as we get back, she lives kind of far off." I mostly said that to myself, I knew Phil probably didn't care when I left.

"Alright, so I'll see you tomorrow?" Phil inquired, closing his eyes and giving me a bright smile.

"Yup. She has plans tomorrow evening so I'll be back in the flat tomorrow night." I verified, putting the muffin back down and going back to the coffee. I could see Phil nod his head slightly from the corner of my eye before he took his phone back out and went back to whatever he was doing before I assumed.

The rest of breakfast was spent in silence, Phil spent the rest of his time on his phone and I spent the rest of mine thinking about the night to come in excitement. Somewhere in my thoughts halfway through the inquiries about llama spirits and the thoughts on my next video an idea came to mind.

"Hey tomorrow when I get home want to do our fifth Phil is not on fire?" I offered, attempting to restart the conversation.

"U-uh sure?" Phil didn't seem to know what to say, for some reason I felt like he didn't really want to do it.

"It's okay if you don't want to." I assured him with a wave of my hand before downing the last of my coffee.

"No, no its not that I don't want to I was just surprised." Phil waved his arms as if it would verify what he said more.

"Alright... if your sure." I didn't really believe him but what was I supposed to say? I had known for awhile now I had been over staying my welcome at Phil's flat, that's part of why I tried to spend as much time with Sarah as possible. Phil was obviously becoming tired of me, even if we were best friends everyone gets fed up with people if they are around them long enough. We did share the rent and it wasn't like I was there all day every day though so I wasn't too worried about it at the time.

Phil suddenly gave a yawn and stood, looking to me and smiling.

"I'm pretty bored, ready to go back?" He offered, giving a quick motion with his head to the doorway. I nodded and stood, pushing my chair in and grabbing my cup and the bag that held only the wrapper to my muffin now. I tossed the bag in the trash smoothly and set the cup on top, following Phil out onto the somehow less busy streets.

We walked in silence, Phil trailing behind me, attempting to keep up with my pace. The longer we walked the farther behind he fell.

"C'mon Phil!" I yelled back teasingly, throwing him a quick grin before speeding up. Somehow he fell in pace with me but then it turned into a battle, a battle of who could go faster and for how long. Neither of us won.

Living in London had its perks, it took us nearly a fourth of the time it used to take to get where we wanted to go. We were quickly back in the lobby of our apartment building. Phil pressed the button this time, sliding through the now open doors before I could chew him out.

"I should probably get ready now huh?" I sighed as we walked into our flat, Phil throwing the keys onto the counter and sliding into his room.

"Yeah." He yelled back lazily.

I easily slid into my room glancing around the cluttered floor for some of my slightly more 'showy' clothing for the night I had ahead. Skinny jeans and a T-shirt just didn't seem all that appropriate for a restaurant date.

I came up with a pair of black skinny jeans and a simple white button up shirt. It would have to do. I didn't actually own anything very fancy just skinny jeans, sweats, and shorts. None of which were very refined.

As I finished getting dressed I heard a mild thump from the hallway and I peaked out to find Phil on the floor. He grinned sheepishly at me, his hair falling over one of his bright blue eyes and masking the edge of his chin with a dark shadow.

"Ah," He began. "Sorry about that, I kind of slipped."

He chuckled lightly and grabbed the door knob to his room, using it to hoist himself up. I raised an eyebrow to him slightly but didn't say anything before turning around and making my way back to my room to find both my phone and my watch.

It took a few ages to find but buried in one of my randomly displaced piles of clothing was my phone that I had somehow forgotten to take out of my pocket and sat neatly on my desk was my wallet. I proceeded to take the piles of clothing and the few other items on my floor and stuff them into my closet. Shutting the closet door took quite a bit of effort because of the overflowing mess.

I checked my watch for the time, it was already two. I mentally sighed to myself as I walked over to Phil's room. I turned the handle but it was locked, again.

"Phil!" I shouted, not even bothering to just try knocking.

"Uh-huh?" He answered, pretty quietly for that matter.

"I'm leaving now! See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." There was no more discussion past that. Things normally went this way, an awkward goodbye through the doorway and then I left. Despite being best friends we weren't really the touchy feely types outside of our videos, we always seemed to connect so much better when the camera was on.

I had tried to talk more with Phil but he always seemed to separate himself from me whenever I tried to have a real conversation with him. Things between us had gotten even more distant in the last few months, it seemed like Phil never really wanted to talk about anything anymore. I had given up on having discussing anything even vaguely deep with him months ago.

Don't get me wrong we still got along great and were very close things had just gravitated to a much more awkward state than I would have liked.

I strolled down the streets of London with ease, the route was basically burned into my brain. Halfway to my destination I checked my watch and found it was already three, I had somehow wasted an hour on what normally took twenty minutes. I shook my head of my old thought process and sped up.

What felt like ages of walking later I realized I should have probably taken the bus or the subway, or really anything other than walking the whole way I almost _never _walked for very simple reasons.

I had zoned out and it was so bad I nearly didn't notice when I had reached her apartment building. I sighed in relief and took a few seconds to rest before going through the revolving door and towards the awaiting lift.

I pressed the large up arrow and waited for the ding of the doors opening. There was another woman in the elevator with me, I gave her a brief smile before selecting the 6th floor. We rode in a sort of awkward silence, a few glances being exchanged between us.

I didn't hesitate to leave when it reached my floor. I walked down the completely empty hall examining each room number as I always had to until I reached B182. I took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. It opened with a small creak.

"Hello?" Greeted a sweet voice. I grinned.

"Hey!" I lunged into the wide open flat and turned around quickly so I was facing her. She had decided to wear a shiny aqua blue dress for the date it seemed.

"How was your day?" Her head titled to the side cutely and she gave me a wide smile. Her curled dirty blonde locks of hair fell to the side of her slender face and masked one of her dull gray eyes.

"It was kind of boring and yours?" I replied more politely then I liked to, things always started like this. Awkward and overly polite.

"Mine has been pretty great actually, I'm quite excited for our date." I don't know what is was but her voice agitated me sometimes when she talked like that. Too sweet, it felt, wrong?

"Me too." I replied sort of blankly before falling onto her strangely white couch. Her whole living room was almost purely white, it always felt odd to sit in it especially at night it felt kind of like a horror movie setting.

"I know it's early but want to get going?" She offered still holding the same overly sweet tone.

"Uh," I thought a few seconds. "Sure, I guess?" I didn't really have a reason why not so I just agreed.

Sarah suddenly became more alive and grabbed my arm, hooking it up with hers, and pulled me up with a rather painful tug. I groaned as I was dragged to the door by only my arm and out into the hallway.

"I'm excited now! Let's go!" She bursted out rushing me to the lift and all the way into the lobby. She only stopped to give me a quick peck while we waited for the doors to the lift to open again before pulling me out quickly. She was normally like this, energetic, loud, and quite... odd.

We had decided, after she calmed down, to just take a short walk around the block so we wouldn't be too early. It was rather enjoyable, we socialized and joked around the whole way.

When we finally made it around to the restaurant it was just barley six and we ended up being a little bit early. A waiter came over to seat us almost instantly and I found myself realizing the place Sarah has chose was a little scarily high class for me.

Once I looked at the menu my fear was almost instantly confirmed, I could barley afford a meal there from the looks of it. Almost every dish even just appetizers seemed to cost a good twenty dollars or over, it was terrifying for my rather small budget. I knew by the end of the night I would be broke or at least very close to it.

"What are you going to get Dan~?" Her voice interrupted my near panic attack.

"O-Oh I don't know..." I had lied though, I did know. It would be whatever was cheapest because I could eat pretty much anything.

The waiter came back a while later, it was probably obvious we were new and needed more time to look at the menu. I followed through with my plan of whatever was cheapest not even bothering to figure out what the meal actually was and Sarah ordered some sort of fancy fish.

"So," Sarah suddenly began, cutting herself off to make sure I was listening. "I'm really sorry and I know this is sudden but some things came up and you can't stay tonight, I hope that's okay." She was looking away from me as she said this, sheepishly hooking and unhooking her fingers.

"Yeah, I understand." I answered with my best fake smile. "In a couple of nights we will see each other again right?" I searched for reassurance.

"Y-yeah." The small stutter put me off a bit but I ignored it knowing it wasn't worth stressing.

This had become a common thing. Sarah just seemed to have a lot going on in her life at the time and I never asked because she just always seemed so withheld about it I figured she would tell me when she was ready.

"You're not mad at me right?" She suddenly piped up.

"No of course not!" I grinned to make it more believable, I really wasn't though.

"O-Okay..." We fell into an awkward silence after that. I just attempted my best to look around the room and not at her while she kept her eyes fixed on the red table cloth covering our small corner table.

"Here you go." Suddenly the waiter was back with two awfully small plates of food compared to the price I would be paying for them. We both gave our thanks and began eating in awkward silence.

"I'm sorry..." My head shot up.

"For what?" I was at a loss, what was there to apologize for?

"Y-you know making this all awkward and stuff. I just want to t-talk to you like normal." She was looking away from me as she said this.

"Then come on let's talk like normal. I went to Starbuck's with Phil today what did you do?" I tried my best to start a nice casual conversation.

"O-oh," She stopped a moment, finally looking up at me. "I visited my mother this morning y-you know and then I cleaned my flat up a little."

"How did the visit with your mother go?" I took a small bite of the odd still unknown dish sitting in front of me. It tasted kind of like some weird mix of a taco and shrimp fried rice.

"Good..." She trailed off after that going back into silence.

"How is Clover?" Clover was her dog. If there was any way to get her talking it was to mention her dog.

"Oh!" She suddenly perked up again, losing all of her previous awkwardness. "He's been great! The other day he did the funniest thing actually..."

I had stopped listening at this point, I laughed at the appropriate times and heard enough to know what comments to add to make sure she knew I was still interested. The rest of dinner consisted of her rather energetically telling me randomized stories about her dog, friends, and family.

Sarah had a tendency to do things like this. We were close but didn't have all that much in common although I was too afraid to admit it to myself I knew very well in my mind I would never love her nor was she the girl I would spend my life with. I knew this all but I ignored it, I kept myself in the dark. I wanted nothing but for the to be untrue.

The bill came somewhere in the middle of a conversation about her best friend and her doing some really stupid things. I opened it slowly, afraid to even see the number and with a heavy sighed I realized I was right. I could barley afford it. It was just barley low enough that I would have enough money for the bus.

We left the restaurant and I gave her a quick goodbye kiss before walking off into the night. Somehow it was now nine, the previously lit streets were now pitch black and I found myself just struggling to find a bus stop so I wouldn't have to walk home.

After what felt like hours of wandering (it was really only ten minutes) I found one and sat down on the small bench to wait. Somewhere in the time though I remembered I should probably inform Phil I was coming back after all. Last time I had failed to do so I nearly scared him half to death.

'**Hey Phil, turns out something came up so I'm coming back tonight. See you soon. ps. It might be a few hours, gotta wait for the bus :(' **

I pressed the send button and laid back on the extremely uncomfortable wood. Surprisingly just a few moments later though the bus pulled up. I got up quickly and walked up the odd slanted stairs, throwing some change into the little coin dispenser and seating myself in the very front seat.

It didn't take long for me to realize the bus was completely empty besides me. It felt a little terrifying to be honest, alone on a bus. Rape, murder, sexual harassment, who knew what could happen. My phone vibrated a few moments later.

'**Alright, see you soon then. :)'**

I smiled lightly at the message and sat back in my seat, closing my eyes and relaxing. I was happy to be going home in a sense.

The bus suddenly jerked though and I heard a loud squeal. I shot up from my seat, that was the biggest mistake I could have made. I caught a glance of the mangled seeming body next to me before my vision went black and I lost consciousness.

**Yup. Well I'm assuming some of you really feel confused now xD BAM!**

**Random action after such a boring chapter, it's just so wonderful ;u;**

**Okay on to the point! I'm really excited about this fanfiction,**

**like you have no idea. ACK**

**Also just pointing this out ignore the Sarah shizz this is very much a PHAN fiction so don't worry no annoying OC action I: **

**Uhhh I think that's all I have to say x3 **

**See you soon (I hope~)**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! -have some lion shaped confetti- **

**ps. Drop a Review ;u; (?)**

**-Mina**


	2. I guess

**Hello! :D I hope the first chapter was good enough for you all.**

**I don't have much to say here so I'm just going to leave it at I hope you enjoy this chapter and yupp x3**

**Little note I started writing this before they began their radio show so no radio show for now I may add it in later but this is a sort of 'what if' story.**

**ps. Still Dan's POV xD Next chapter will probably be Phil's but I'm not exactly sure yet c:**

**-Mina**

**Chapter 2; I guess...**

...

"_What do you mean you have something to do?!"_

"_Well... I just-I really can't stay much longer I've been here since 6 and-"_

"_No! That's not okay!"_

"_Look, I know you two kind of work from home and you have all the time in the world to do this but I have a job to attend and places to-"_

"_No! That's still not okay!"_

"_Please listen to me... I really wouldn't leave if I didn't have to..."_

"_Say that a little more sincerely then."_

"_Phil, come on, I..."_

_..._

"_I'm sorry we're late, how is he doing?"_

"_Alright... I guess."_

"_Has the boy woken up yet?"_

"_No."_

"_Any responses?"_

"_No..."_

"_What have the doctors said?"_

"_Nothing really. They don't know much as of yet."_

_..._

"_I'm sorry honey but I have to leave, unfortunately, there is too much going on at the house to ignore anymore. Call me as soon as anything happens okay?"_

"_Okay..."_

"_You should call that girl again and invite her over. Being here alone really isn't healthy for your nerves dear."_

"_Yeah... sure, I-I will..."_

_..._

My head ached terribly. My bed was suddenly thousands of times more uncomfortable than I ever remembered it being. There was this strange beeping noise as well but I really didn't want to hear it so I went with the option of droning it into the background of my mind. For some reason I didn't feel ready to open my eyes, I wanted to keep them closed forever, maybe I wanted to feel like sleeping beauty that day?

"Excuse me?" A strange female voice sounded. My mind echoed the question as to why some strange woman was in my room and talking to me whilst I _slept_ but I didn't exactly fully process the question before another voice came from beside me.

"Yeah, come on in." That was Phil's voice. I knew it was, it was impossible not to know it was. I mulled over why Phil and this strange female were hanging out in my room and from the sound of it Phil was right next to me. I wondered if he was watching me sleep like some creep, for some reason that thought made me want to laugh though.

"Would you like some food sir? It seems you haven't left this room in awhile." The female voice asked.

"No..." There was a long pause. "Thank you." It didn't sound sincere at all, almost a little begrudging.

My curiosity began to get the best of me and I attempted to pry my eyes open to see what the hell was going on but for some reason this seemed excruciatingly difficult. After a few moments I realized I _couldn't_ open them. My heart beat began to accelerate in panic and the beeping suddenly got louder, pounding through my already aching head.

"Oh, It seems I should phone a doctor I'll be back in a few seconds." There was a few clatters and then some heavy breathing. The word doctor caught in my mind and my hazy mind began to rethink things. _Doctor_, doctor meant... The beeping was blaring through my head now, becoming some how even more powerful.

My throat suddenly felt dry like it was coated in sand and my whole upper body fell into a state of odd aching numbness. Each breath I took made my lungs feel like they were full of water, drowning and in immense pain as they searched for true oxygen. My right leg was heavy and much warmer than a majority of my body.

"It's gotten worse! Nurse, please, come back!" The back of my throat crawled as if I was about to vomit though I knew I wasn't.

"Nurse!" The screeching beside me broke through enough of the pain flowing into my head to make me think briefly to myself _'Is that Phil...?'_

"Things are going to be alright sir don't worry." The voice was soft.

"He is probably just experiencing some pain, everything seems fine right now. I'll have right here get him some more morphine to help with that." This voice was deeper than the rest, different and holding an American accent rather than the normal English ones I heard.

"A-Alright..." I suddenly realized how cold my body was.

"Okay. I'll take care of that right away sir." There was some shuffling and a strange suction noise. My lungs still struggled to find air though and I found myself holding back panic as best as I could as I attempted to process the situation.

_So I'm in some sort of hospital obviously. And Phil is here and some nurse I think I forgot what that doctor said her name was. How did I get here though? Dan seriously use your head. I went to Starbucks with Phil... and then...? Wait, wait dinner with Sarah! And... Uh..._

My head was swarming and it was quickly getting harder and harder to think and my aching body strangely enough began to numb out. I came to the conclusion it was because I had begun to calm down.

_After dinner with Sarah I uh... something, she... canceled? I think... and then after she canceled... she canceled and then... she... I..._

_..._

"Dan..." A voice hummed directly into my ear jolting me from my weird state of sort of sleep. My mind was hazy but I easily remembered the previous situation and began attempting to open my eyes again finding that there was no pain present.

"Oh, Dan... what am I going to do?" The voice continued next to me. The previous watery feeling in my lungs returned choking me slightly but the rest of my body stayed completely numb. I focused entirely on attempting to open my eyes.

"I miss you so much..." Through all my concentration I somehow realized the voice seemed to be Phil again, I wondered in the back of my mind how long he had been there. When I failed to open my eyes again I decided to try my voice.

"Ph-" I couldn't even finish the one word but I took even beginning it as a huge accomplishment though my voice sounded so hoarse that it was impossible to understand. I decided to try again since he obviously hadn't heard.

"Ph-Phil..." It was so quiet and honestly it just sounded like I was gargling to me, it caused waves of pain to pierce through my lungs but it was worth it the moment I realized he had heard me.

"Dan?" He sounded skeptical in himself as he dared to ask the question, to clarify if I was really there or not.

"Phil..." _God that sounded awful._ I thought to myself with a sigh when I had attempted to answer him. Though my thoughts were pretty clear my voice obviously was not.

"Dan!" He suddenly sounded so happy, excited even. In the midst of all this I somehow managed to pry my eyes open, finding nothing but a large blur at first.

"I should probably call a nurse..." He contemplated with himself. I shook my head though, nurses kinda of creeped me out. I was the only male in existence that didn't find nurses attractive I guess.

"I'm sorry Dan but I really should they need to know you're awake." Phil chuckled slightly though he sounded off.

My vision was finally coming through and a noticed a few glaring features. I was definitely in a hospital not that I didn't already know that. There was a blanket covering my body but from what I could see the injuries were not good. Phil was sitting in a chair directly beside me, resting partially on my bed. My brain went off elsewhere as I noticed all the flaws though.

His eyes were red and puffy, signs he had been crying, not only were they red and puffy they were lined with dark purple bags and drooped downwards. His hair was far from composed as it was puffed up around his face and curled in every direction. His nose was red and his mouth kept in a straight line curling only slightly at the edges as if it were stuck as a frown. His clothing, it was the same AmazingPhil jumper as he had been wearing the day I assume I was admitted but he now had a pair of black skinny jeans rather than shorts.

I blinked a few times and got up the courage to ask what was probably a very important question.

"W..why am I here?" My voice still croaked as I talked and it still resembled gargling but I was getting better at least.

"You were in a crash... on the bus, I guess..." This seemed to make Phil uncomfortable but I had to know. I remembered the bus ride slightly, not much of it though. I just remembered texting Phil and climbing onto it was all, nothing about crashing.

"Who else..." I had to stop to breathe, my lungs still felt like two tight bags of water. "-was on the bus." I finished with a small gasp. He chewed his lip lightly, a nervous habit of his.

"No one but you and the bus driver... they say it was lucky, I don't agree..." I decided to ignore the last comment not sure exactly how to think of it.

"What happened to me?" That question seemed to catch him off guard. I had enough trust in him to know he knew what I meant.

"Well... from what the doctor's have told me," he gulped. "You have a broken rip that punctured one of your lungs, a broken leg, a fractured shoulder..." He trailed off, taking a large breath of air. "Quite a few bruises and scratches..." That seemed to be all he was going to tell me.

"Is that it?" I joked, sarcasm was something I was good at.

"Mmph..." He hummed in reply. His eyes flickered up to me allowing me to notice the odd gray tint they had taken on during the last few minutes.

"You should sleep." The thought randomly slipped out, I knew what he was going to say in reply though.

"_You_ should sleep." Yup, just what I thought. I chuckled only to be cut off by the movement of the liquid in my lungs choking me. Phil shot out of his chair and offered out an arm as if it would help me, of course it didn't.

I caught a glimpse of a passing by nurse, catching her eyes widen before she sprinted off to some other location.

"I'll go call a nurse, alright?" Phil began to leave in the midst of my coughing fit.

"No!" I somehow managed to shout between the last of my coughs, Phil observed me with questioning eyes.

I-I just saw one I-" I stopped to attempt at clearing my throat so I didn't sound like a dying frog. "-I think she's coming back."

"Don't try and fool me..." Phil sighed exasperatedly. "I know you hate nurses but you need one."

"I'm not lying!" I insisted.

"You are!" Phil shouted back.

"I'm not!" My eyes narrowed and I attempted to stare him down, words never worked with us.

"You are..." His voice turned to a mumble and he looked away, glaring at the wall in what was probably irritation.

"I." I shifted in the bed attempting to sit up. "Am." He turned his gaze back to me. "Not."

As if on cue the doors to my room burst open and in came a rather shaken up looking woman.

"It seems you are awake." She uttered, obviously trying hard to keep her voice and body tranquil. "Mind if I just do a few tests?" I shook my head knowing I didn't really have a choice.

She rushed over in that moment and began messing with randomized things. She checked my blood pressure, made me breath into that stupid tube which hurt like all hell, forced me to sit up so she could check my reflexes, all the casual checkup crap.

Phil had sat down somewhere in between, resting patiently beside me as she messed with everything, chuckling occasionally at my reactions. It felt like hours before she finally stopped and turned to me to report her results.

"You seem perfectly stable." She seemed to almost sigh in relief as if she expected the opposite. "You can call me by the way, I will be your nurse until you can be discharged." She gave me a bright (obviously fake) smile.

"How long will that be?" I could practically feel the daggers in my back from the death stare I knew Phil was now directing towards me for being so 'rude'.

"Uh..." This seemed to catch her off guard, she looked to the side, her tightly tied bun of brown stands loosening slightly with the effort. "Well... you have been in a coma for a month and you still have a lot of extensive injuries so don't expect anything too soon okay...?"

I froze. One word caught in my mind glaring through my head like lasers and burning out the remainder of my ability to stay calm.

"Coma...?" Phil hadn't even mentioned it. I thought it had just been one night. My mind raced as I began contemplating all the things I had missed and all the things I would have to fix once I finally got out. The heart monitor beside quickly reflected this though, revealing to the whole world I was in a state of panic.

"Sh, no, try and stay calm, alright?" The nurse whose name I had already forgotten came straight over, offering one of her slim hands to me as if it was actually going to fix anything. Her fingertips shook giving away her own anxiety on the issue.

"Dan," I had completely forgotten Phil was beside me. "It's alright."

Words didn't relax me at all. They always felt empty to me, meaningless. I gulped, a large lump forming in my throat. My head felt instantaneously heavier and I felt an urge to hold my breath though I forced myself to take deep breaths.

"I'm fine..." I tried to reassure them both, even if it was a bold faced lie. My voice cracked as if to help verify that it was a lie.

"You seriously should stop trying to lie to me." Phil sighed, resting one of his hands on my right leg.

"Excuse me." Phil suddenly looked to the nurse making it clear he was talking to her.

"Yes?" Her voice gave way slightly.

"Could you go get a cup of water for him?" I was confused as to why he was asking for me, I honestly didn't want anything. She simply nodded and scurried out of the room leaving me and Phil alone.

"Okay, she's gone." Phil gave a sigh of relief. "She was making me nervous with her shaking."

I only just realized it but his hand was still on my leg, it made me feel uneasy for some odd reason. It really didn't make sense why I would, we were best friends after all and it wasn't like he was trying to stick it down my pants- well gown...

"You look a little better already." He smiled brightly, his eyes glistening like they usually did for the first time since I had woken up. He gave my leg a quick pat and then swiftly stood, looking towards the door before turning back to me. "I'll go get you some Malteasers and what not, alright? I'm sure it will help you calm down."

I don't know what exactly happened, but, something snapped. Something inside in that moment just complete lost it's grip. My throat lit up and my eyes suddenly overflowed, the heart monitor next to me basically had it's own heart attack in the midst of my- whatever it was. Phil jumped back in alarm, nearly tripping over the numerous wires surrounding me.

"H-hey Dan! I-It's okay!" Everything suddenly hurt a thousand times more, my entire being burned. Phil threw his head back and forth in panic, completely unsure of what to do. This never happened. Never.

I lifted my sore arms to cover my face and at least attempt to muffle the loud sobs racking through my whole body. I couldn't stop, when I tried the noises only rose to ear-splitting. There were a few quiet foot steps and suddenly I was being pulled forward.

"D-Don't cry... alright?" He murmured into my hair. My face had been shoved into his chest and he had wrapped his arms around me in a sort of self conscious manor. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable just- awkward, unexpected. I didn't make any movement to hug him back or even to push away, I just allowed myself to continue to cry (not that I had any control anyways). Though it wasn't just crying, more than half of it was me coughing my lungs up in attempt to get oxygen into my system.

I took this opportunity to notice a few things I never had. He sort of smelt like honey, not what I expected at all considering he didn't really even like it. It was a sweet, calming scent nonetheless. His clothing was softer than mine somehow despite us using the same detergent and everything. His hair was softer as well though that was understandable I hadn't showered in a month apparently.

My loud sobs finally began to dissipate leaving an unpleasant aura in the air, I really didn't know what to do once I stopped crying. Phil, to my luck, pulled away breaking any awkwardness left in the air. I noticed, to my embarrassment, his jumper was now soaked in my hot tears and snot.

"Y-you might want to go home and change..." I admitted sheepishly, running my fist over my raw eyes and nose.

"Possibly, you might also want a tissue." He chuckled, reaching for the tissue box beside his chair and handing it to me. Not just a single tissue, the whole box. I didn't know if that should offend me or not.

"I'm surprised the nurse still hasn't come back yet." He suddenly pointed out as I finished wiping away what I could from my previous breakdown and tossing the large mass of tissues into the trash.

"Maybe she sensed the mood." I choked out, still battling with the pond living in my lungs.

"Maybe," he thought for a moment. "Somehow I doubt that though."

I shrugged, it wasn't like I really cared all that much anyways I was just relieved she hadn't come back during my 'little moment'. I really didn't want to be humiliated in front of anyone else.

Phil glanced down at his jumper momentarily then chuckled humorlessly.

"I'm going to call Pj and ask him to bring me a new shirt, and probably inform him you're awake as well. I will be right back." He held up a finger and stepped out the glass doors of my room. I watched him through the cracks in the shades, he took his phone out of his back pocket and called him, talking animatedly as he went.

My head began to spin as I watched and I found myself slumping further and further into the bed. I noticed somewhere in the middle of his conversation the nervous nurse had walked back up with a paper cup of water only to have Phil shoo her away completely unexpectedly.

"He said he will be here as soon as he can." Phil ambled back in, closing the door softly behind him. I nodded in return.

"Hey Phil?" My eyes met with his for a moment.

"Yeah?" He sat bat down beside me, slumping over to rest his arms and head on my bed.

"What month is it?" I didn't even realize I had missed such an important detail.

"December." He yawned, closing his eyes.

"Oh. Do we have any snow yet?" I attempted to make small talk.

"Yeah we do. There was a storm just last week." He yawned again this time not even bothering to move his head. "I think Pj said it was snowing right now actually..."

"Can I leave this room?" I suddenly wanted nothing but to get out, though moving was likely a bad idea.

"Maybe... why?" Phil finally opened his eyes again, staring at me in interest.

"Well... it's snowing you said so maybe we could...?" I knew he wouldn't let me, he just had to be the mature adult.

"Maybe..." My eyes widened slightly I didn't even expect that much. "But we would have to talk with your doctor first."

My shoulders slumped and I fell back onto my pillow, I wasn't going anywhere.

"You're no fun Phil, jesus." I puffed out my cheeks and moved my head enough to glare at him, hoping maybe I could somehow use my eyes to reach into his brain and change his mind.

"Well you're in serious condition Dan! You literally just came out of a coma!" His voice rose surprisingly high instantaneously turning me into a helpless child, I had no chance. He was now sitting up fully and staring at the ground, not that it mattered since my eyes were now fixed on the thin blankets covering me. There was a few minutes of awkward silence before he spoke again.

"Dan, I'm sorry for yelling I'm just- this is serious you have to be careful." He sighed and turned his head to meet my eyes just barley catching me when I had peeked over at him. I chewed at my lip unsure what to say.

"I was really worried you know... I thought you were going to die. I thought you were never going to wake up and- I was just really terrified I was going to lose my best friend..." He broke eye contact once again choosing to instead hide his face in his hands. I felt my eyes begin to prickle but I still didn't say anything, I wasn't sure what there was to say.

"I'll go get those Malteasers now then!" He suddenly broke out. Lifting his head and giving me his most convincing fake smile before nearly sprinting out the door and leaving me alone in partial shock.

I sighed, not really liking the idea of being alone but not truly having a choice. I began to wonder where my phone and other items were as I sat there thinking that maybe I would ask that nurse if she ever came back. I laid fully down finding myself suddenly thousands of times more tired than I even knew was possible. I knew Phil well enough to know he wouldn't be back for awhile so I allowed my eyes to close and my mind to drift.

...

...

I opened my eyes slowly again to the white room, scrunching up my nose slightly as I remembered where I was.

"I got you your Malteasers... and some coffee, but don't let anyone know about that." I nearly jumped out of my own skin when the voice suddenly came beside me.

"Jesus Phil! Don't scare me!" I nearly yelled attempting to calm my rapid heartbeat, as reflected by the heart monitor beside me as well. He gave me a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, sorry. Your voice sounds a lot better all the sudden, less like you're drowning." He commented, reaching under his chair and rummaging around.

"Yeah... that's really strange actually. Shouldn't I still be coughing like a maniac?" He shrugged, pulling out a enormous bag of Malteasers and a coffee from Starbucks.

"Hide that coffee from the nurses. I'm almost certain you're not supposed to have it." He ordered before setting the Malteasers on my lap and the coffee on the table directly beside me. I smiled wide.

"Thanks." I ripped the bag of Malteasers open, nearly ripping so far that they flew everywhere.

"Someone's in a rush." Phil teased, chuckling slightly.

"Well I'm hungry! It's been a month since I've had any food." I pointed out, throwing a handful of balls of chocolatey goodness into my mouth.

"I called your parents by the way, sorry I forgot until just about 20 minutes ago. They will be here in an about hour, and Pj... he's a little stuck right now. He had to go get Chris so he will probably be here in maybe half an hour?" He sounded sort of unsure of himself but kept a confident smile on his face.

"Alright. Doesn't matter to me." I said through a mouth full of Malteasers. I reached for my coffee, finding it pleasant when the warmth of the cup seeped into my hand. I gulped down a large mouthful of the sweet liquid using it to help me swallow the rest of the treat. I sighed happily.

"Would you like me to get you some actual food...?" Phil brought my attention back to him.

"Mmmm," I thought a moment. "Nah, not right now." He simply nodded, looking a little out of place just sitting there.

"Didn't you get yourself anything?" I asked.

"No. I'm not really hungry... or thirsty." His bottom lip went into his mouth slightly as he chewed on it. I just shrugged in response and continued to ingulf the Malteasers in front of me.

"Phillip Lester you ass!" I nearly lost the last of my Malteasers when a random voice yelled out. I looked up in shock, it seemed she was here now. Sarah.

"I can't believe you! I thought you were going to tell me when he was awake! You are such a-" She stomped her foot on the floor in what I assumed was emphasis.

"Ah... I'm sorry, I forgot." Phil replied surprisingly nonchalantly. What was up with him? She rolled her eyes but said nothing in reply.

"Danny! I'm so happy you're awake." She cried, throwing herself at me. Hitting my body in a _very __**very**_ unpleasant way. I had failed to even hear her enter.

"I think you've forgot that jumping on top of an injured person _hurts_." Phil commented, surprising me with his rude attitude though I couldn't say I wasn't secretly thanking him.

"Oh fuck off." She mumbled but lifted herself up off me. What was up with _them?!_

I looked between them in confusion for a few moments getting ready to say something up the horrible attitude they both had suddenly generated but was suddenly cut off by a ridiculously cheery voice.

"How are you feeling Dan?" Sarah stuck her face right up in mine. Staring me down with her grey eyes as if she expected something special.

"Uhm... obviously not very good?" I wasn't really sure what to say, it was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to be feeling anything besides crappy.

"Oh, yes, yes!" She smiled widely, actually freaking me out in a few ways.

"You really should back away a little there." Phil chimed in suddenly.

"I'll do what I want!" She screamed, throwing her hands up in down in a sort of tantrum like manor. I felt extremely confused and out of place.

"Uhm... what's with you guys?" I finally asked, staring at both of them in confusion.

"Nothing." Sarah puffed, crossing her arms and glaring in Phil's direction. Phil made no move to reply, he just stared at his lap.

From what I could remember Phil and Sarah got along. They had never fought before, this whole behavior was just odd. I did contemplate that maybe I had been in that coma long enough to mix things up but I didn't think it could be this bad. They seemed to _despise_ each other. I couldn't remember anything that have caused them to change so dramatically. Phil was never the type to fight. With anyone. Ever. Sarah, maybe sometimes but not like this.

"...Why are you guys fighting?" I questioned hoping maybe that would actually solve something.

"We're not fighting." Phil answered this time, leaving Sarah to answer with silence.

"Uhm, sure... okay then." I sighed, utterly lost in the situation. Sarah finally uncrossed her arms and sat on the edge of my bed.

"So Honey," She never called me honey what the... "When will you be discharged?" She asked in that sickly sweet voice she did sometimes.

"I don't know..." I answered slowly, finding myself lost in her grey eyes. Something was off about them. They shined and had that nice glow I liked but at the same time they were dull and just wrong in some way. 'Maybe it was just that grey is a weird eye color', I thought.

"He's only been awake for a day." Phil commented, now staring our direction. His unbelievably blue eyes suddenly caught my attention and I found myself subtly comparing them with Sarah's odd grey one's for some reason. It was pretty strange.

"I wouldn't know that since you didn't call me you little-" She cut herself off with a large smile. "Anyways~" She completely changed the pitch of her voice and was now staring at me, making me feel all the more uncomfortable that I was still in the midst of staring at Phil.

"Y-yeah?" I internally smacked myself for the stutter.

"I have to leave really soon and I'm sorry I know I haven't been here long but I'll be back to visit tomorrow~ _All day._" Her voice lowered slightly at the last part and she looked to Phil, probably expecting something. I guessed I'd have to ask Phil after she left what was going on between them.

She leaned forward after that without waiting for an answer and connected out lips. I closed my eyes slowly and she nearly suffocated me as she pushed me over and licked my bottom lip asking for entrance. My eyes widened and I pushed her off lightly, rejecting her, not at all feeling comfortable making out in public much less in front of Phil. I was so confused, she never did things like that.

"W-well," she stuttered, probably feeling embarrassed at the rejection. "I'll go then! Goodbye Danny." I hated that nickname but I said nothing and just smiled the best I could as she ran out the door in a rush.

I let out the breath I was holding, hanging my head as I felt some of my scars begin to ache. The morphine must have been wearing off.

"Sorry Dan... did that stress you out?" Phil set his hand on my leg, leaning forward to get closer to me.

"No, I just think the morphine is wearing off. Things are starting to hurt again." I answered quietly, finding the puddle in my lung more evident.

"Sorry... it's probably partially my fault. I'm sorry, I won't fight with her next time that was immature of me." He sighed, rubbing my leg slowly for some reason.

"Why were you guys fighting anyways?" I asked again, hoping for an answer this time.

"No real reason I guess, we just had a few spats while you were... away." He set his gaze on my bedsheets.

"Spats?" I questioned, coughing lightly.

"Erm, yeah. I just have a hard time getting along with her sometimes I guess." He smiled sadly, still avoiding eye contact. I refocused on his eyes again like before finding it interesting just to look at them. They were strange. His eyes always said so much more than he did and it always interested me in a way how that could work but I never admitted it not wanting to seem like a freak.

Or well in some cases a homosexual, people assumed a lot about me and Phil that just wasn't true. It made our relationship so much more complicated than it should have been. I always had to be careful of what I did, around the fans, around our friends, around the world. I couldn't risk strengthening those labels that people already stuck on us. But we were alone, it didn't matter. The only time it didn't matter. I liked it best when it didn't matter.

"W-Would you like anything to eat now?" He suddenly asked, seeming oddly panicky. I shook my head, trying to stop staring at him realizing that's what was probably making him uncomfortable.

"I think I might want to lay back down actually..." I croaked finding all the pain from before resurfacing. I began to sink into the bed once more.

"Ah, yeah. You should do that... you sound terrible." He sighed, removing his hand and sitting up right in his chair once more.

"They never got you a bed?" I chuckled, coughing once or twice in the process but ignoring it.

"Mmmm nope. You'd think after a month of sleeping here they would." My eyes widened and I sat up right once again.

"You slept here every night?!" I yelled. It was a huge mistake I was coughing for like the next five minutes. Phil looked so uncomfortable as well that I had pointed that out.

"Uhm... well... yeah, I kind of did..." He replied awkward, looking to the floor and shuffling around in his seat.

"W-why didn't you go home?! I would have been fine, I swear. It's so unhealthy to do that Phil!" I tried to make my voice as strong as possible but it wavered often and I still couldn't stop my lungs from attempting to jump out my mouth.

"W-Well... I wanted to be here when you woke up and-" He opened and closed his mouth a few times probably contemplating whether he should say the next thing or not. "When you were in surgery and I had to go home I-I couldn't keep calm and I could only sleep when I was here so I just..."

I held my head in my hands feeling so much guilt. I couldn't even believe I had done this to Phil even if it wasn't exactly my fault.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, gripping the blankets now.

"D-Don't be sorry! You didn't do anything!" Phil retaliated, grabbing my hand and forcing me to make eye contact with him. I chewed at my lip, not having anything to say back but still feeling guilty nonetheless. Phil sighed, somehow noticing this.

"Lay down, alright?" He ordered, I of course obeyed. "I'll wake you up when Pj and Chris or your family gets here, okay?" He told me.

"Okay..." I replied finding myself drifting off despite having only just laid down.

"I'll get something special for when you wake up okay?" He continued, I nodded. I felt pretty content despite the situation, it was weird. Every part of everything in my life was weird. I may as well accept it. I closed my eyes finally taking one final moment to take in my surroundings. The heart monitor continued to beep, I felt Phil lay his head down on the edge of my bed and I remembered I still had coffee and Malteasers beside me.

"Phil you should hide that coffee." I reminded him in my wonderful dying frog voice.

"I'll just say it's mine." His voice was surprisingly close, I didn't mind. He was warming my side anyways. I could smell that nice honey scent again as well.

"Goodnight Phil."

"Good_day_ Dan."

I chuckled.

**Cute enough? :DDD **

**Yeah I dunno, I knew I had to make this chapter at least kind of emotional I mean he IS in the hospital I can't just be all "Awww so cute awww" plus it had to have a point as well so x3**

**Sorry I hate Sarah just automatically despite creating her but I'll try my best not to make her a total bitch ^^; (Even if she is)**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter it's the beginning of what I like to call "The enhancing of the relationship between Dan and Phil" Thats a sucky name but whateves**

**Next chapter should be up in about a month x3 **

**I love youuu, thank you for reading!**

**Drop a review? Today's prize is some Malteasers (Internet Malteasers of course).**

**Thank you again :)**

**-Mina**


	3. Gone

Blind chapter 3;;

**Hellu all :)**

**I'm going to start by apologizing for how late this chapter is and thank those of you who are continuing to stick with it despite it all. Unfortunately I've just had a lot of misfortune going on in my life and change and I've been in quite a rut so inspiration and motivation have been hard to find so as for future chapters I can't promise anything about when but I can say I will release them even if it seems like its been ages. I hope you all understand :(**

**Moving on to better things! Now is the time for Phil's POV! Yay yay~**

**A few very important quick warnings in this chapter there may be a lot of triggers. **

**There will in fact be self-harm and destructive thoughts so IF this may effect you negatively please stop reading now!**

**I do not want to harm anyone in anyway with this story so please read with caution.**

**Also just note I want to say even though I'm sure all you know this, this story is completely fictional!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and like finally getting a look in on Phil.**

**Thank you c: **

**-Mina**

Chapter 3; Gone.

"Can't I just go?!" He whined, kicking his legs so the blankets slid off his body.

"No, not yet. You know well enough Dan..." I sighed heavily, feeling my skin itch as my shirt moved against my chest.

"I'm just tired of being here... I've been here twice as long as my coma lasted I just want to go home." Dan puffed his cheeks out cutely, burying his head in the hard pillow.

"I know. One more day." I gave him a reassuring smile, adjusting my hair so I could see better.

"Yeah, I know." He mumbled into the pillow.

I'd been basically living in this hospital for three months now with Dan. I was just as excited to get home as he was but patience was a virtue. Dan had recovered almost fully now, every now and then his cough would come back or he would have slight trouble breathing but he was doing very well beyond that.

"Hey Phil?" I snapped my head up from the floor to meet his eyes.

"Yeah?" I asked, subtly shaking my head to keep my tired mind awake.

"You should go home tonight." It didn't seem like a suggestion, more like an order. Not that I cared all that much.

"I don't think so Dan..." I mumbled in reply, pushing the discarded sheets back on top of his body. He pushed them straight back off, typical Dan.

"Nope, you don't have a choice it's an order from a sick person, you can't refuse a sick person." He waved his hand around as he spoke, his head nearly being lost in the pillow it was resting on.

"Dan I don't want to go home yet, you only have one night left." I sighed heavily, he had asked me many times to go home. Not once had I agreed.

"Phil," he paused to sit up in his bed. "You haven't been sleeping half as much as you should be. It's pretty obvious when you're always struggling not to fall over whenever we even move rooms or by the dark bags under your eyes. Now go home, just for tonight. You can come back tomorrow but I just want you to get one full night's sleep. Come on Phil." I sighed once more, I hated having these conversations.

"It's just one more night here Dan and then we can both go home together, I'll be fine." I tried to reassure him just desperately not wanting to go home alone.

"Phil, please." He was staring me down now. His chocolate eyes swirled with specks of gold and silver hypnotizing me and nearly distracting me from the situation at hand. "Please!"

"Dan..." I didn't even get to speak another word.

"Phil just listen to me this once, I always listen to you." I didn't make any snide comments to that like I easily could've.

"Fine..." I really didn't want to. I debated possibly hiding in the bathrooms over night or asking Pj if I could stay with him.

"Good." He smiled warmly and laid back down in bed, rolling over so he could once again hide his head in the pillow.

"Sure..." I mumbled back, knowing he wouldn't hear me. I didn't want to go home alone but I didn't want to make Dan unhappy either so I'd just have to deal. I moved my chair back a bit so I could search the floor for something to lighten the conversation. Over the last three months we had made quite a mess of the place... it was shocking we were never scolded for it.

"I'm kind of hungry." Dan suddenly shot back up and looked to me.

"Would you like me to go pick you up some food?" I offered, discontinuing my search.

"Do I have any Malteasers left?" He asked hopefully, it was a bit of a miracle he hadn't gained weight during these past few months.

"Uhm..." I looked back to the floor. "Not that I see."

"Ah okay... think we could sneak out and grab some McDonald's?" He became excited, he had tried a multitude of times to get me to sneak out with him, I had rejected him every single time. Though I did rethink it a little this time, it was the last day... a little adventure couldn't hurt right?

"Possibly..." I chewed at my lip slowly, thinking of all the possible out comes.

"Please, please, please~" He begged. "It's like that time you snuck me McDonald's when I was in here a few years ago only this time we will sneak out together to get some." His eyes were glowing with excitement, edging me even closer to giving him a yes.

"Well..." I sighed heavily, he hadn't been this happy since we had arrived here, how could I say no? "Fine..."

He scurried out of the bed instantly falling over to the floor but standing up unharmed nonetheless.

"Be careful." I ordered. "I have a few ground rules though. I don't want to risk anything with you, alright?"

"Okay, okay." He rolled his eyes though I knew he would still listen.

"Good, now for one no running off we have to be back here in at most twenty minutes, before the nurse comes back to check on you. Second, don't try and reel me into going anywhere else, I know how you are." He nodded.

"Yes, yes. Bla bla bla don't do anything bad now let's go!" He attempted to pull me out by my hand, so excited to just escape he forgot that I wasn't even out of my chair. My body slid forward easily with the pressure of his weight and I hit the cold sterilized floor with a painful smack.

"Sorry..." I heard him apologize lowly as he helped me up, looking guilty.

"Calm down, please." I huffed, rubbing my sore right arm. My face had hit the floor pretty hard and now everything ached.

"I will. I just really want to go, please." I sighed.

"You're still in your hospital gown as well Dan, at least change out of that." I pointed out. He looked down in confusion having obviously completely forgotten.

"Do you have any of my actual clothing?" His hand slid on the back of his head as he began to rub it, sheepishly avoiding eye contact with me.

"Not yours. Plenty of mine though." I sighed heavily, it seemed like I was sighing a lot today.

"Could I... borrow some please?" He still avoided eye contact with me but had removed his hand from his head.

"Sure, I guess. It's all over the floor just find some and change I mean we have our own bathroom." I shrugged and sat back in my chair.

"Okay, okay." He leaned down on the floor and began searching. He was crawling on his hands and knees in attempt to find something and it was actually pretty funny to watch.

"You look like a confused animal." I chuckled.

"What kind of animal?" He asked, looking up to me and winking. That set me off a bit, but not much, it was Dan so it was expected.

"Mmmm, groundhog." I teasingly made a small noise I decided was now my groundhog noise.

"That sounded like your red panda and everything else noise." He poked my side and went back to searching chuckling when he finally saw me glaring down at him, though I was only teasing.

It seemed to take ages but he finally arose with a large mass of clothing in his arms, I hadn't bothered to fold them or anything they were on the floor so it would have been pointless. He gave me a quick smile and turned to the bathroom that was connected to his room, locking the door behind him and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I closed my eyes, listening to the faint shuffles outside the room of doctors and nurses hurrying around to their patients, it was almost calming in a way. I opened my eyes quite quickly though when I discovered myself drifting off into sleep. I hadn't sleep well in years it was surprising to me that being in a hospital really made any difference, it was almost like I slept better there. It absolutely amazed me.

"It's weird that we are the same size since I'm taller than you." I turned around to peer at Dan.

He was wearing my red plaid shirt and a pair of my black skinny jeans that seemed a little bit short on him but were easily masked by the converse sneakers he had somehow found. The red looked surprisingly nice against his olive skin, it almost made it glow though it only made his chocolate eyes blend in with his features. I gave him a wide smile.

"Well it's a good thing otherwise this wouldn't be happening and you'd be stuck here." I stood from my chair not allowing him the opportunity to haul me out of it this time. I noticed then I hadn't seen him in normal clothing for a little over three months, it was really wonderful seeing him looking like a healthy human being again.

"So how are we going to do this?" I wasn't sure how to answer the question. I really didn't have any idea.

"Just sneak out...?" It was an awful and very vague suggestion I knew but I didn't know what else to say.

"Really Phil?" He sighed, his curled up and messy as all heck fringe falling over his face. "I mean how are we going to get past the nurses and such!"

"I..." I thought a moment. "Just act like your a visitor...?" I suggested sheepishly.

"They all know us Phil..." He chewed on his inner cheek.

"Uhm... I don't really know sorry." I laughed nervously and looked to the floor, shuffling my feet around.

"Let's just try and sneak by I guess, that's all I've got." He shrugged. I nodded in return and waited for him to take some sort of action. He didn't though.

"Are we going to do this now?" I didn't really want to do it at all in all honesty but I wanted to make Dan happy.

"Yeah..." He rubbed the back of his head and gave me a weak smile. I sighed, he was just as scared as I was.

"Let's just go and see what happens." I suggested making my way to the glass doors, jumping over a few piles of random objects on the floor.

"O-okay." He stuttered slightly giving away his fear, neither of us were exactly 'bad boys' like at all... in any way shape or form.

Dan acted like he was but he really wasn't anything like that. He was a little 'sassy' sometimes, as his viewers would say, but he didn't truly ever do anything bad or break any laws heck he seldom insulted or intentionally hurt anyone. Just on the internet... he had A LOT more confidence when he was on the internet, he lost his fear there.

"You go first." I whispered to him not really prepared to get yelled at.

"Fine, fine." He whispered back, sliding the door open. He stood there for a few moments just analyzing his surroundings and we quickly found that no one even realized he was a patient. I quickly slid past him and began walking down the familiar hallway, motioning to Dan to follow, he did, slowly though.

"You look quite different in normal clothing it's fine Dan, I don't think they even realize you're a patient." I reassured him in a rushed murmur. He only nodded in return.

A few nurses seemed to give us curious looks as we strode away but soon we found ourselves outside the hospital without any problem, no one had even tried to stop us.

"We made it!" Dan cheered, getting lots of strange glances from people passing by. I gave him a quick pat on the shoulder.

"Yup, now let's go quick I'm not going to play hooky with you for long." I began walking quickly towards our destination, peering at Dan as he struggled to follow behind me. He was still hurt. I stopped a few feet later to wait for him to catch up.

"I don't think this is a very good idea Dan. You're already struggling to breathe..." I sighed heavily feeling guilt well up in me as I watched him struggle.

"I'm not!" He protested though the words were followed by a groggy cough saying otherwise. He was panting once he was beside me, holding his chest with his hand as if it would somehow provide him with more oxygen. I frowned.

"Come on, lets go back." I tried to grab his hand to guide him back but he pulled back before I could.

"No! You promised Phil, we are going." Determination was obvious on his face and although I worried for his health I found it hard to say no to him.

"Fine... just, be careful." I chewed at my bottom lip, worried that this whole 'adventure' wasn't going to end well.

"I will~ Now let's go." His face lit up again and he linked our arms dragging me forward as if I was the cripple. I felt my face heat up as I noticed some of the looks we were getting, looks of disgust, judgment.

"Uhm... Dan, let go please..." I nearly whispered, finding my stomach begin to churn. He turned to look at me in curiosity but let go.

"Jesus, don't have to be such a sour puss." He teased, flicking my forehead. I took a few deep breaths when he turned away during to rid my face of the color it had taken on.

"Hey Phil, where is McDonald's around here...?" Dan suddenly asked sheepishly, stopping to turn and face me once more.

"Straight and around the corner, not far. Otherwise I would have flat out said no to this." I lifted my hand to move my fringe out of my eyes once more.

"Awww!" Dan whined, kicking his feet about like a child. "You're no fun Phil."

"I would be fun if you just stopped trying to be a rebel, I don't like breaking the rules." I crossed my arms and began walking, leading Dan.

"The fresh air feels so nice." He sighed contently, mostly to himself I assume.

"Yeah, I guess we got lucky it was a nice sunny day." I grinned back at him as we rounded the corner and reached the door of our destination. We both stopped before entering.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Dan suddenly announced. I gave a fake gasp of shock.

"Since when is Daniel Howel EVER not hungry?"

Dan only shrugged in response. I was about to ask him if something was wrong when a couple of female voices screeched out to us.

"OH MY GOD ITS DAN AND PHIL!" The both squealed together. One of them was a short red headed girl with black flats and cat whiskers drawn on her face. The other was a blond with a thick sweatshirt on and bunny ears on her head. I suppressed a sigh. I did love our fans don't get me wrong but since all this accident stuff happened with Dan they have been ambushing every time they even caught a glance of me on the street, it had become a terrible nuisance to go out.

"Oh h-" Dan began but was cut off but the two overly excited females.

"Oh. My. God." The Blonde one emphasized the words.

"Dan is out of the hospital!" The other finished getting a good glare from the much taller girl next to her.

"Nope. I'm not." Dan grinned and grabbed me by the shoulders suddenly throwing me in front of him. "See? It's just Phil no Dan here."

The girls chuckled loudly, I just groaned internally having been reminded we were currently risking Dan's health.

"Can we have hugs then Phil and _Phil._" The blonde giggled. Dan of course nodded and opened his arms wide not before warning them he smelt like hospital though. They both exchanged hugs with Dan then looked to me hopefully.

"Sure I'm always open for buss- hugs- something I don't know..." I stuttered around my words awkwardly as if I was the fan, I was just such a mess. The girls just laughed at it though and exchanged quick hugs with me.

After that we just exchanged brief chatter as normal like they told us they're names were Willow and Sophie or Annie or something I don't know its hard to remember fans names there are just so many of them to remember. Anyways we wrote our names terribly on their foreheads and said goodbye after that.

"They were nice girls." Dan commented with a smile.

I simply nodded in agreement, taking out my phone to check the time. As I pressed the middle button and the bright screen flashed on the number alarmed.

"We have to get back! It's been forty minutes!" I nearly screamed, grabbing Dan's hand and literally dragging him back towards the hospital like a child.

"Awwww! But I don't wanna Phillllll" He whined, elongating the words, making him seem even more like a child in the situation.

I didn't even sort of listen reacting in panic of the situation I dragged him back around the corner desperately to the hospital doors.

"Okay, okay. So the nurses might not have checked your room yet maybe we can just sneak back in calmly yeah that its." I attempted to reassure myself without much luck. Dan simply patted my shoulder.

"Hey, its fine. Let's just go if we are in trouble so what? We are adults we will be okay." He grinned and grabbed my hand.

"We are barley adults." I scoffed. Dan just shrugged and pulled me through the automatic doors. Everything actually did seem... okay. It was strange no nurses looked at us, actually no one did everyone avoided eye contact at all possible with us. It took a few seconds for it to click in my head.

"Dan, let go." I whispered turning beat red and feeling my stomach churn.

"What? I'm not raping you." He made an odd pouty face. My hands began to sweat.

"Please let go Dan." I tried to push again finding the simple avoiding of eye contact was turning into glares of disgust as we moved past the older faculties. Dan only snorted.

"If I let go you'll go into some kind of panic attack. Come on my room isn't much farther you know." I knew he wasn't entirely wrong but I still wished he would let go and extinguish all those awful looks.

I made no further comments and allowed him to pull me the remainder of the way to his trashed hospital room. It took a few hops over some piles of trash or clothing but I was soon back in my chair and free of Dan's restricting hand. Dan on the other hand didn't seem to have the same kind of relief I had in being back, he was crazily searching the ground for his discarded hospital gown.

"Let me help." I offered, leaning down and shuffling through a couple of piles.

"Thanks." He breathed, still in a crazy fit of rapid searching probably predicting somewhere in his mind the faster he changed the less likely it would be that anyone noticed. That was normal Dan logic anyways.

After having thrown about half of the items in the room around the another location I picked up his discarded gown with triumph.

"Hey Dan look what I found." I held the gown out against my body and was about to jokingly twirl with it but Dan had already grabbed it and ran into the bathroom.

I sighed feeling my stomach growl reminding me of our failed trip. I grimaced knowing I would soon have to give into going to the cafeteria. Cafeteria food was bad enough but hospital cafeteria food was just terrible.

A few moments later Dan came rushing out of the bathroom fully changed, he discarded my clothing on the floor knowing that's where it started and jumped into the plastic made hospital bed.

"Now that I'm back I just want to leave again." He grumbled, I chuckled. That was the Dan I knew. "I wonder when my nurse will come in."

As if on cue the glass door opened and the nervous woman hopped in. As normal she started out by saying nothing just fluffing Dan's pillows rearranging his sheets organizing a few of the piles on the floor. After a few moments of that she finally picked up Dan's chart on the end of his bed and looked to him.

"How are you feeling?" She began simply, normal procedure.

"Fine, fine." Dan answered.

"Okay." She wrote something across the chart. "And is there anything I can do for you? Would you like me to bring you dinner now or help you prepare for discharge tomorrow?"

"Uhm..." Dan thought I moment, moving around on the bed sheets slightly making them crinkle. "Dinner would be nice, I think as for discharge I'm all okay Phil can help me pick up the mess." He grinned towards me.

"Sure." She smiled. She had lost some of her nervousness and become a bit more professional over time but she still had her moments. "I'll bring you dinner right away then!"

She then scurried off without another word, meals for the patients at this place weren't really pre-decided or anything they were just brought a random assortment of things and expected to eat it. Dan didn't seem to mind it so much to him food was food.

"Hey." Dan suddenly called out.

"What?" I turned my head from the glass doors to look at him.

"It's getting late why don't you start heading home now? I'll see you in the morning." He smiled. My stomach flipped over and I felt like I was going to hurl. I threw my arms around my stomach to hold myself back from actually doing so.

"O-oh yeah okay w-well bye then." I stuttered , standing up slowly hoping my sweat and shame couldn't be smelt like it could in movies. "W-welp see ya~" I grinned my most convincing smile and took a few deep breaths to help calm myself before taking what felt like the longest walk ever out the door.

After closing the doors to Dan's hospital room I reminded myself this meant no hospital food that at least got a chuckle out of me. It took some pushing and a lot of deep breathing but I made it out of the hospital and then I just wasn't sure what to do or where to go. I did say I was going home but I lie all the time so what does it matter if I lie about this as well.

"Phil is that you?" A familiar voice sounded. I looked to find it was Pj.

"Oh! Pj what are you doing here?" I breathed a sigh of relief knowing it was only Pj.

"Visiting Dan, why are you outside?" His eyebrows knit together and I could tell he was starting to put it together already.

"G-Going home, it late." I tried my best to keep my voice even but it slipped.

"Uh-huh." He shook his head subtly and grabbed my arm suddenly. "Dan asked you to didn't he?"

My eyes suddenly started to water and my throat felt blocked so I just nodded. Pj knew a lot about me, definitely not everything but a lot and he was there for me a lot.

Pj sighed. "I'm sorry I'd give you some place to stay if I could but tonight my house is full of my old college mates and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like a large handful of them, mostly because I don't even like them." He looked to me apologetically, I took a deep breath anyways and put on my best smile. Pj then released my arm.

"It's alright, I should be okay for one night don't feel bad." He looked skeptical but said nothing more on the subject, even though he knew he wasn't exactly the most comfortable with it. I was just in the way anyways it was best that I kept my mouth shut.

"Well do you want to stay with me while I visit Dan at least?" He offered. I contemplated it for a moment but I knew Dan would be mad so I just shook my head. "Aright... if you're not feeling well call me okay?"

"Okay." With that I walked off towards the busy streets not even bothering to give a goodbye. I thought about possibly taking a taxi but walking would waste more time which is what I wanted. It was quickly growing dark as I wandered the glowing streets of London and I found myself losing the road and wandering down unfamiliar streets.

As time went on and the area became more and more lively but less recognizable I became unsettled. Finally somewhere between a bright neon bar sign and a small bookshop that was already closed I decided to check my phone for the time.

"1 am..." I grumbled to myself. My eyes then wandered to the bar beside me and I heaved a sigh. The door was made of old rotting wood and the windows next to it meant to look into the bar were covered with alcohol signs and promotions. I shrugged to myself taking one quick look around the nearly empty streets surrounding me before entering.

Inside there was only a couple of lone empty tables and a small wooden bar lone of only one other person, the bartender. She seemed to be half asleep (or drunk) herself when she looked at me curiously.

"Uh, hi! How may I help you?" She announced excitedly, pulling herself off the chair she was seated on and grabbing a cloth to 'wipe the bar' even though it was already spotless.

"Uhhh..." I contemplated what to say, I really didn't know why I was even there I didn't really drink, alcohol didn't really appeal to me. "Are you still serving any food?" I asked sheepishly. It was unlikely they were but it had gone completely over my head until then I had failed to eat a dinner.

"Nope, sorry hun." She frowned. I nodded and gave a small shrug.

"I thought so, its alright thanks anyways." I turned to leave when she suddenly called out.

"Wait!" I stopped in my place feeling my palms sweat in anticipation, what could she want? I heard the clattering of a few bottles and suddenly she ran over in front of me holding a bottle red liquid, likely alcohol.

"W-will you have a drink with me? I know it's late and we don't know each other but people rarely come here and I-It will be free!" She bowed her head downwards her brown locks flying about.

I wasn't sure how to reply to such a sudden outburst I mean she was a total strange and from the looks of it much older than me. I took a deep breath and just put it together in my head as a little adventure like Dan always wanted me to do.

"Sure, I guess..." I answered slowly, swallowing hard. The woman seemed to perk up quite a bit after that skipping back to the bar as I slowly made my way to one of the padded high stools.

"Do you like cocktails?" She asked quietly as she moved tons on tons of bottles onto the bar and grabbed two wine glasses.

"I guess." I shrugged. I didn't really mind them but I certainly didn't love them or anything. I refused to say much else though as not to be a bother.

"Alright." She smiled up to me quickly before putting a few bottles away then shaking up and mixing together the contents of others in such complicated fashion I couldn't even follow. Eventually the labor of the rusty white colored liquid ended up being poured simply into the two wine glasses one to fill the other only half way. She slid the full one to me.

"Thank you." I breathed staring at the full glass.

"Well go ahead and drink." She chuckled, picking up her own glass and taking a small sip. "I promise its not too bad. It's more fruity than alcohol-y"

That won a small giggle from me before I finally picked up the full glass and took a sip. It actually wasn't half bad, it kind of tasted like pineapple... without something really gross in it and then cherries! Though I found after even just I few sips I was thankful she had used wine glasses and nothing bigger. I got drunk really easily, I had learned this from past mistakes which was another reason I rarely drank.

"So what's your name?" The woman broke my thought process.

"Oh! Uhm, I'm Phil. What's your name?" I watched her fiddle lightly with the mini tie on her white button up shirt. It was a kind of funny outfit, a little stereotypical.

"My name is Aria" She hiccupped, it became obvious she had already drank a few drinks before I arrived. "I own this sucky bar no one comes to."

"A-ah." I wasn't sure what to say, truly I just wanted to leave but the atmosphere was suddenly tense and I felt pressured to stay where I was and sip awkwardly.

"You know I was going to be a millionaire? I was like gonna be famous n' shit." I just nodded slowly in reply, the once at least kind seeming woman suddenly seemed very unstable and strangely enough a little scary.

"Well, I better get going it's real late you know. Thank you for the free drink." I set down the still half full wine glass.

"What? You've gotta woman to get to? I thought you were gay actually HAHAHAHAHA!" Yup, she was most definitely drunk.

"What makes you think I'm gay?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow for emphasis.

"Hair n' shavin don drink your alcohol kinda girl-ish." Her words began to slur as she filled her currently empty glass with a new substance, Jack Daniels. I'd never seen anyone go from sober to drunk so fast before in my life.

"Uhm... yeah. Thank you for the drinks goodbye." This time I slid off the stool and ran out the door before she could get another word in edge wise. I sighed in relief when I had walked a few blocks and there was no sign of the crazy woman. After the rush of the strange situation I had just been through finally washed through I found the night taking its normal affect on me.

I knew it was time to get home no matter how badly I wished not to, soon the drunks like her would be coming out because the bars would be closing and I really didn't want to see anymore drunks that night. I wandering a few more blocks looking for some kind of familiar sign to lead me home. It took almost an entire hour but I finally found one of the streets corresponding to ours and went on my way.

The walk was long and tiring and the second and I entered I flat I was ready to collapse. It was officially past 3 am , way later than I normally stayed out. Sure I was used to being up late but normally I wasn't doing anything physical while I was up. Maybe on the computer or... I shook my head hard.

I shut our flat door hard, locking it just in case. My first mission was food though I didn't really have the motivation to cook so I just made some cereal and sat down on the couch to eat, not even bothering to turn on any lights.

Somewhere in the middle of a spoonful of cereal I accidently tipped the bowl over and dumped it all over myself and the couch. I only sighed and threw a wash cloth on it not in the mood to scrub the milk out of the couch.

_You're such a failure_

"I know..." I whispered back. "I know..." I grabbed at my arm and looked to the floor knowing what would come next.

_Do it. You might as well you weakling._

"Yeah... " My eyes began to prickle.

_Go slow ass, if you're going to wallow in self pity at least do it right. _

I picked my head up and went for my room, slowly opening the door in anticipation. My room was nearly empty, so many things had been moved over to the hospital so I could be with Dan. I moved straight through my room though to the bathroom whose door was already hanging open.

_Now!_

The tears in the corners of my eyes washed over as I rummaged through my cupboards for my 'prized' possession. I felt a prick on my finger tip and pulled it out to find a crimson dot forming on it. There it was... I reached back inside and grabbed it.

_Weakling._

"I know..." I sat down on the small rug in front of my shower.

_Your a complete annoyance._

"I know..." I rolled up my pants leg.

_You will never be anything but that._

"I know..." I gripped the silvery object hard with my shaking fingers.

_You should just kill yourself already and do everyone a favor._

"I know..."

**;n; and now I apologize for being so mean**

**uhmmmm I'm realllyy happy to finally finish this, it has been half done for AGES and like its been bugging me so much but ahhhhh**

**anyways c: please leave a review it would mean a lot **

**uhmmm todays review prize is uhhh spaghetti! o-o I dunno**

**Thank you all for reading :DDD**

**-Mina**


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